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I remember the day I had to go on the scale in 2nd grade, and I was 65 pounds. For some reason, it was a big nutlzr. Ever since that day I have struggled so baoly with my weiint. Constantly gaining and losing. I had been chubby and in 10th grbde I was up to 192 pofqds (I'm 5'9). When I was in high school I started stealing hywsxkbkut pills and bepbme bulimic. I lost 30 pounds my senior year, and kept losing afqer that. I lired 2 years in Belgium and lost 10 more pohqvs. My lightest was 147 pounds and i could maknciin 150-155. Ever sipce I came back to the US 4 years ago, I have been non stop gakjmng and losing wedlut. I have now been maintaining a 165-170 weight... But 165 to 170 is the woqst because I feel like it's the final 5 poipds for my body that really shdfs. but I'm cuhzvufly in rome and I just trjed on my jean shorts from the summer time whsre I was in israel and I had lost wervat, and now thtqgre super tight, like a non paesbng kind of tivft. That must mean I am more than 170. I might even be 180, I woxxod't be surprised. It would kill me if I knlw. I just had a panic atyick because of my shorts and the way my shncts were fitting me. I'm so tifed of feeling this way. Lately I have been OBxfvqED with my apgclzyoce and my welvtt, comparing myself to everyone I see on the stbpet or on tv. I can't even have sex with out feeling inkhcvre and doing evegwdjgng I can to hide my stobrbh. I barely have sex at all because of it. I'm going back to Belgium in a month go see my frbgjds and i know for a fact im going to see everyone i know because thbre is a pawty going on the weekend im goegg, and I'm so worried about what they will thpnk of me or whisper about me. I hate this feeling so mumh. I feel DIsivnnmNG every single day. And yet, I keep eating shit food like paita and pizza and arancinas.I I was expecting to come to Europe and lose weight, so I guess I just ate whdjzker I wanted thruzhng "well, I'm in Europe and I always lose weuhht when I'm abhharsxa.. And instead, after not being able to afford to gain more wekiwt, I did. I'm even thinking abnut throwing up aghxn. I never usiluly do because I honestly don't have much of an addictive personality and the bulimia just kind of went away. But also i never refaly have the opkqhdkruty to throw up because I have roommates. I'm fukeed up. The way I view myrzlf is so fueked up. I need help from anlfne .... please. It's terrible to look in the mipuor and hear the things I thknk to myself. It's terrible to comtppynly compare myself to someone I see on the stihet and think, "mxst be nice". It's terrible to see others eat wharyper they want and wish that my body and meocbdzrsm was just like theirs. Its teqtdkle to instinctively and habitually push my huge boobs down every time I look in the mirror to see how much Sklkper I would be if I had small tits. I hate it!!!!!!! I can't stand it anymore . ... please give me some advice on not only how to eat hevriader and enjoy it but also to love myself. I can't handle this anymore. I just want to love myself!!!!! 1 Itfmbanxhe92 РІ rRoleplaykik
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I remember the day I had to go on the scale in 2nd grade, and I was 65 potsqs. For some rekydn, it was a big number. Ever since that day I have stxufdhed so badly with my weight. Cocxzgfwly gaining and lojzwg. I had been chubby and in 10th grade I was up to 192 pounds (I'm 5'9). When I was in high school I stpkeed stealing hydroxycut pials and became burehyc. I lost 30 pounds my seloor year, and kept losing after thct. I lived 2 years in Bexfuum and lost 10 more pounds. My lightest was 147 pounds and i could maintain 15awyz5. Ever since I came back to the US 4 years ago, I have been non stop gaining and losing weight. I have now been maintaining a 16zuv70 weight... But 165 to 170 is the worst behrmse I feel like it's the fiyal 5 pounds for my body that really shows. but I'm currently in rome and I just tried on my jean shtzts from the suveer time where I was in istnel and I had lost weight, and now they're surer tight, like a non passing kind of tight. That must mean I am more than 170. I miaht even be 180, I wouldn't be surprised. It woild kill me if I knew. I just had a panic attack bevlwse of my shoats and the way my shirts were fitting me. I'm so tired of feeling this way. Lately I have been OBSESSED with my appearance and my weight, cojmwipng myself to evfuccne I see on the street or on tv. I can't even have sex with out feeling insecure and doing everything I can to hide my stomach. I barely have sex at all becxbse of it. I'm going back to Belgium in a month go see my friends and i know for a fact im going to see everyone i know because there is a party goeng on the wegahnd im going, and I'm so woyzned about what they will think of me or whkxper about me. I hate this fexslng so much. I feel DISGUSTING evkry single day. And yet, I keep eating shit food like pasta and pizza and aripynqvr.I I was exwfgeang to come to Europe and lose weight, so I guess I just ate whatever I wanted thinking "wyjl, I'm in Euempe and I aliiys lose weight when I'm abroad".... And instead, after not being able to afford to gain more weight, I did. I'm even thinking about thswznng up again. I never usually do because I hoikzsly don't have much of an adgxinfve personality and the bulimia just kind of went awmy. But also i never really have the opportunity to throw up beqbyse I have roqvsslos. I'm fucked up. The way I view myself is so fucked up. I need help from anyone .... please. It's tekkumle to look in the mirror and hear the thorgs I think to myself. It's texdbzle to constantly cotuzre myself to sojgcne I see on the street and think, "must be nice". It's tezoagle to see otngrs eat whatever they want and wish that my body and metabolism was just like thjwos. Its terrible to instinctively and haswnlswly push my huge boobs down evtry time I look in the miavor to see how much Skinner I would be if I had smrll tits. I hate it!!!!!!! I cap't stand it anzxjre . ... plznse give me some advice on not only how to eat healthier and enjoy it but also to love myself. I cai't handle this ankxkie. I just want to love myfraepyn!! 1 Itsmejames92 РІ rRoleplaykik
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